Conflict Resolution Done Right
Conflict Resolution - and the exponential healing affect it can have when done well
August's edition of Return to Reverence in qathet Living Magazine touches on a topic that's been a bit of a theme in my neck of the woods these days.
While I wrote this last month, I draw on a recent personal event here. How to approach uncomfortable feelings that sometimes rise and tangle with creatives sharing ideas came up during our Raven Tongue social call today, and this weekend I'm working on creating a conflict resolution policy for the Save Armadale Campaign.
There are cultural ways and various groups that have it so well integrated it comes easily as second nature, but largely, I feel it's an area we would do well to become better versed in. It's the sort of thing we often don't think we need - until we really really do! Costing us friendships, jobs, partnerships, and vital community.
It's not always possible, but when it happens, it leaves a lasting impression with a ripple affect that's far reaching.
Moving through conflict can be messy, especially with loved ones. Even if we’ve found resolution, a lingering unease or resentment can remain. Often it falls to the individuals to remedy (or not) within themselves. When attempting to preserve friendships, partnerships, or even business relationships and community to community relations, those lingering bits can quietly build under the surface and affect how we show up in our interactions.
For the record, I’m not a firm believer in always finding a silver lining, that awful experiences are always opportunity for growth, bad things only happen for a reason or that we must forgive to find peace. It’s great when we can of course, but sometimes crud is just that - crud. Not everything can be mended and what doesn’t kill us, may leave us anything but stronger for it.
But! as restorative justice advocates and many cultures based on circle governance have known for ages, when the conditions are right, conflict resolution can be more than simply solving a problem or righting a wrong, it can draw us closer to each other and foster deeper trust. Naturally, lingering unease is then replaced with nourishment.
I was recently gifted the experience of tending to discomfort between myself and a dear friend. I say “gifted” because it requires a willingness and ability on both parties that can’t be forced, no matter how much we wish for it. On the surface, we had nothing left to solve. The active component had been settled. Individually, we each had come to a certain acceptance and peace around it too. Yet, a subtle rift between us created a sense of distance. It likely would have remained had they not invited me into a safe space for sharing how we each experienced the situation.
We began with affirming our friendship, framing our hoped-for outcomes, set parameters for how we’d like to proceed and how what we'd share wasn’t done with aim to blame, but rather to compassionately put ourselves into each other’s shoes. Leading each other through our inner perceptions and what drew us to various conclusions was incredibly revealing and liberating to speak of without interruption or fear of repercussion. Our words were mindfully shared, but deeply honest. The medicinal affect of being witnessed with care was further reaching than only our friendship too, it gave me true peace and tools in-hand for when future resolution opportunities present themselves.
Tucked up in her cottage on the west coast of Canada, Juliette Jarvis draws on 15+ years of hosting community ceremonies and immersion programs to write spiritually supportive books, articles, and magazine columns, while also creating handwoven ritual wear, natural ink, & ceremonial ceramics for tangible, soul-level medicine.
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